PARADISE ISLAND, BAHAMAS — Veteran poker writer and renowned last-longer antagonist Craig Tapscott is currently grappling with emotional, financial, and spiritual fallout after losing a $100 last longer bet to Norman Chad, whose recent mixed-game performance has been described as “shockingly competent.”
Tapscott, who publicly wagered on Lon McEachern in the $10,500 Eight-Game Mix bracelet event, is now on the hook for a $100 dinner, which he has described as “the worst investment since my ex-wife’s essential oil NFT.”
“Norman Chad? Outlasting people? In a mixed game? I just… I don’t know who I am anymore,” Tapscott whispered, staring into the middle distance at a Bahamian crab.
🥩 The Stakes: One Hundred Dollars of Seething Regret
It all began when Norman tweeted about watching The Princess Bride to prepare for the event—clearly a bluff, as no one who quotes that movie actually wins at poker. But against all odds—and every forecast from the Tapscott Institute of Wrong Picks—Chad survived Lon, earning himself a win and a free meal.
Tapscott, who initially joked “Where can we bet on Lon in the last longer?” was unavailable for further comment, as he’s reportedly busy trying to PayPal Norman $100 in Venezuelan Bolivars.
🍽️ The Dinner That Will Haunt Him
The dinner, according to sources close to the transaction, must be:
- “At least $100, not including tip”
- “On the record”
- “Without excessive sighing”
Chad has already hinted he’ll be ordering “market-price lobster, a Shirley Temple, and whatever dessert comes with sparklers and a mariachi band.”
When asked about the meal, Chad stated:
“I plan to enjoy it the way I enjoy all victories: slowly, smugly, and with a laminated copy of Craig’s original tweet placed upright on the table.”
🧠 The Aftermath
Poker historians are calling it “the least expected comeback since Moneymaker”, with Norman reportedly refusing to remove his hoodie since bagging chips and mumbling, “I told you all. I’m not just a commentator. I’m a f**ing problem.”*
Meanwhile, Tapscott has begun referring to the event as “Black Wednesday”, claiming he’ll only refer to Norman as “The Forearm Menace” going forward.
He’s already blocked:
- Chad
- Ray Zorfold
- Mixed games as a concept
- All Princess Bride references
✒️ The Tattoo Fallout
Per an earlier side bet, had Norman lost, he would’ve gotten a “LON RULES” henna tattoo to be displayed at a televised circuit event. Instead, the roles have reversed, and Lon is now legally obligated to walk around Thunder Valley with “NORMAN RULES” inked on his forearm like a hostage note written by a WPT graphics intern.
In a joint statement, Chad and McEachern said:
“This is the most serious thing we’ve done in poker since that one time we almost used a HUD.”
📉 Craig’s Confidence Levels — A Graph:
[Insert meme: A chart labeled “Craig Tapscott’s Confidence Over Time” with a flat line until Dec 11, then an immediate cliff labeled “Norman Late Reg’d.”]
📝 Final Thoughts from Craig Tapscott (via burner account):
“It was rigged. He had help. He has friends at the WSOP. I saw Ray tweeting support. I think the cards were marked. I think the mix games are fake. Also, he still hasn’t paid me back for the chicken wrap I bought him in 2019.”
Norman has since confirmed the check is in the mail, handwritten in cursive, with a scented envelope and a “NORMAN RULES” wax seal.