“Integrity Isn’t Free. Silence Costs Extra.”
LAS VEGAS — After weeks of loudly claiming we are “non-commercial,” “independent,” and “above influence,” The Muck is proud to announce a bold new initiative that reflects the modern poker media ecosystem: The Muck Slush Fund™.
The premise is simple. You pay us. We don’t talk shit about you.
This groundbreaking program formalizes what everyone already assumes is happening anyway and finally brings transparency, professionalism, and invoicing to the age-old tradition of payola.
Founding Partners (Totally Hypothetical, Relax)
The following major poker entities have allegedly agreed to contribute a modest monthly stipend in exchange for peace, quiet, and the absence of memes featuring clowns, dumpsters, or burning money:
- WSOP
- PokerNews
- Poker.org
In return, The Muck agrees to:
- Not publish hit pieces
- Not post screenshots
- Not enhance photos with red circles and arrows
- Not write headlines that begin with “Sources Say”
A handshake deal, but with Stripe receipts.
Brand Extensions: Temporary Silence Packages
Short-term immunity available. Example: If ClubWPTGold wants zero memes in February — congratulations, we gotchu. No jokes. No Photoshop. No “this aged poorly” tweets. Just vibes.
To demonstrate seriousness, note that we have already created multiple deeply irresponsible memes about various operators that we have chosen not to run. They exist. They are ready. They are waiting. This restraint is what professionalism looks like.
Pricing (Very Reasonable, All Things Considered)
- Tier 1: “See No Evil” – $4,999/month We ignore you completely. No praise, no criticism. You exist like rake in a home game.
- Tier 2: “Hear No Evil” – $9,999/month No negative coverage. No memes. Light neutral mentions allowed (“The event occurred”).
- Tier 3: “Speak No Evil” – $19,999/month Full protection. Headlines mysteriously never include your name. We suddenly pivot to writing about your competitor and angle shooters from 2009.
- Custom Brand Amnesty (30 Days) – $7,500 flat Ideal for launches, disasters, or “we just need a month, man.”
Payment Methods Accepted
- Wire transfer
- ACH
- Crypto (obviously)
- Cash in a plain envelope ⋅
- Cash in a slightly nicer envelope
- Unmarked duffel bag (preferred for legacy clients)
Invoices labeled “Consulting.” Always have been.
Nothing threatening. Nothing illegal. Just natural consequences in a free and open media ecosystem.
The Muck remains fiercely committed to journalism, selective silence, and serving the highest bidder with distinction.
Interested parties should reach out discreetly. Those who don’t… well, we’ll assume you’re comfortable with the alternative.
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